Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
