her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
