No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
