He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
