fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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