??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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