Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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