Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
