Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize