Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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