I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
