Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
