Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
