whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
