clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
