Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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