Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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