I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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