I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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