Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
