I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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