im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and you said cock pushups were impossible
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
