Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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