I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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