It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
