im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
