Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
