Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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