I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
