I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
