she looked like the before picture.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
