I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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