peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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