i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
