you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
