well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
