Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
