At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had to cum in my sink.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
