and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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