yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
