DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
