My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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