I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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