No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
