You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
