Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
