my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
