Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
