do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
