we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
